Posted by: reball | January 20, 2010

Guilt – We all have it. Right?

I’ve been dealing with a lot of guilt lately and “people” have told me that the best way to deal with said guilt is through verbalization.  So, here for all to read I’m going to state my dilemma!  Since, the moment that I found out I was pregnant with not 1 but 2 babies I have had this prickling little fear.  It gnaws at me from time to time and even consumes me on other days!  I know I’m really building the suspense here but it is a serious worry for me.   I’m sure that it’s not just parents of multiples either but probably any parents with multiple children!  I fear that I’m not paying equal amounts of attention to both of my children!  That’s it in a nutshell!  

My little nemesis has been all-consuming these last couple of days.  Poor little Mr. M is suffering once again from ear troubles.  I would like to assume that’s his reason for sleep challenges lately, mood malfunctions, and poor attitude!  It may also be partly caused by his over-all nature.  He has always been a bit more “needy” than Mr. G who is laid back, generally happy, and my little cuddle bug!   

Last night we put the boys to bed as usual.  Ten minutes later Mr. M was screaming.  (This has just started recently.  Out of the way persistent cries and on with screeching -ear piercing squeals!)  I proceeded to go upstairs for the umpteenth time of the day and picked him up.  We were sitting in the rocker I was trying to soothe him, patting his back, and loving him.  When I looked up what did I see?  Well, it’s the very reason that my stomach is in knots and I feel like I should win the worst mama of the year award!  There sitting quietly in his crib, hugging his lion sat my poor innocent, neglected Mr. G.    

It was truly heart wrenching!  He sat there patiently looking on as mama once again devoted her attention to Mr. M.  It seems that it’s all I’ve done lately!  After, M was truly asleep this time I went to G’s crib and loved him with all of my heart.  But it’s the simple fact that there is never enough of me to go around!

I used to be able to hold both of my babies…now their heads hang off my lap if I do this!

 

  
How do other parents handle this?  I’m not sure!  I do know that love knows no measure and things will balance out when it’s all said and done.  I just don’t want my boys to feel that mama was to busy or to devoted to give them the love they wanted! 
 
This morning the twin daddy came downstairs and said his usual, “Goodmorning- Love You!”  I said how about that little guy over there.  He said and I quote, “I sure love him but I don’t like him as much as I did yesterday morning!”  It’s true too!  No matter how they behave we’ll always love each other but sometimes the like meter…just drops a little bit! 
 
    

 

    

 

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Responses

  1. You know what…You are about the best Mommy I know! You make me feel guilty for neglecting all four of you. No there is never enough time but there is always enough love. Those babies know their Mommy and Daddy love them equally. God knew just what he was doing when he blessed you with Mack and Grady and he will help you now too.


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